Ramadan has left us for another year…so sad to see it go, although it was a tough one. For all of us in Marrakesh, having day upon day of intense heat, hardly ever dipping under 45 degrees, well let’s just say it was a Ramadan to separate the men from the boys. When we go outside in that heat, simply breathing becomes a laborious task, struggling to draw a breath like one struggles to draw water from a well. It made most of us do as little as possible. And that is hard too. Not only do you give up your food and your water, but also your sense of pride in any accomplishment. I barely walked this Ramadan, let alone worked out. I had high hopes of reorganizing parts of my home, re-stacking the books in the bookshelf, clearing out the little storage room, but had to just let all that go. It was a “being” month, not a “doing” month. I’d never thought of Ramadan that way, but this one took me to a new place, a difficult place.
With Ramadan coming 11 days earlier every year, I’ve fasted short days in winter, cool fall days where we all say to each other “I don’t feel thirsty or hungry at all, it’s like I’m barely fasting”, and more recently, the relentless summer heat. Whereas Ramadans before this were like a cool stream running over me, cleansing and calming, this one was like being in the pounding surf, with nothing to do but hold on. And yet, this Ramadan had the most potential for transformation. When else do we get a chance for everything in our life and world to change? When else do we get a chance to explore our limitations in such a painfully real way? Our city, Marrakesh, had record high temperatures this year, and yet the feeling of all of us fasting together made it all the more wonderful. When you go out, you see people with wet towels on their heads, you see someone with a hose offering the service of drenching anyone who needs it, you read it in people’s faces. There is such a feeling of camaraderie under these circumstances of duress. It’s not the month of spiritual devotion I imagined for myself, the heat made it difficult to do as many prayers and reading of the Quran as I’d hoped, and yet I found goodness and blessing in the intensity of it, the bending of my every desire and hope into this giving up and letting go.
Ramadan is a month where Muslims are content to be fully Muslims. We are reminded everywhere of our aspirations towards God; charity increases, mosques overflow with worshipers, even the radio stations start to play devotional music of all kinds: Berber, Gnawa, Andalusian, Nasheed. The instruments and melodies vary greatly, but the words don’t, “La ilaha illa Allah… Mohamed habibullah… There is no god but God…Muhammad is a beloved of God”.
When I am fasting my thought process slows down, although often my thoughts are clearer and deeper. But I become incapable of multi-tasking, especially right around the time of breaking fast. One day my husband and I broke our fast with a date and water, and then went inside a mosque to pray the sunset prayer (maghrib). As I was praying I became aware that my purse was not by my side. As soon as the prayer ended, I started to look for it, and realized that I had taken off my shoes at the door, but instead of leaving my shoes on the doorstep and taking my purse inside, I’d done the opposite. Of course, I don’t expect anyone to steal my purse from a mosque doorstep in Ramadan, yet I was relieved to see it there, because I had stashed both my husband’s wallet and my own, our phones and the keys to the car in it. Honestly…
As I said before, I don’t feel like I “did” enough this Ramadan, but still I hung my hopes on the saying “A moment of sincerity can purify the heart” or something to that effect. Luckily I wasn’t left to my own devices in this respect. So blessed that in Marrakesh people really turn out for Laylat al Qadr, the Night of Power, which is the best night of Ramadan, maybe of the whole year. This is the night when Archangel Gabriel spoke the first words of the blessed Quran to Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him. The Quran says that prayer during this night is better than a thousand months of worship. We don’t know when this night is exactly, only that it’s one of the last ten nights of Ramadan. The only real way to know is to sense it, and to stay in a quiet enough state that if it were that night, you could feel something different and special about it.
In Moroccan Islamic culture, most people generally accept the 27th night as Laylat al Qadr, and so it’s celebrated with special food and whatnot, which I don’t particularly care about¸ because really, it’s a night for prayer and I don’t care if I’m eating couscous or beldi chicken or whatever. If you must know, I made lasagna that night and I can assure you that’s not traditional Moroccan. What’s really great about that night is that the mosques don’t stop prayers all night long. So it wasn’t that unusual that a friend of mine picked us up, me and my daughter, at 1:30 a.m. and we headed for the Koutoubia mosque, where we joined a good 50 000 people in prayer. Every mosque was the same, full inside and out onto the streets, all night long.
The prayers were beautiful, as they always are there, and ended in a long, soulful supplication. Among the words that stayed with me are these: “oh Lord here we are, among us are young and old, male and female, healthy and sick, obedient and transgressors, have mercy on us all…Don’t deny hands that are outstretched to You in supplication, don’t deny hearts that yearn for You”. (Now I wish I had recorded it somehow to share with others that weren’t there but wanted to hear it). At one point the Imam breaks down in tears and can barely speak, and I think, here is someone who has spent all of Ramadan leading thousands of people in prayer both at night and before dawn, he has spent his entire Ramadan in an amazing state, and here he is in tears imploring God to have mercy on his soul. And what of me? And that was the moment I had waited for all of Ramadan, the breaking point. And I think that’s all I can say about that because my words aren’t sufficient.
And lastly, I’d like to thank all the new readers of this blog. During Ramadan I had the honor of having this blog appear on the WordPress.com homepage. This is referred to, among wordpress bloggers, as being “Freshly Pressed”: for a fleeting 24 hours or so, the blog is viewed by potentially thousands of other bloggers. A lot of you “liked” the last post, commented on it and subscribed as new readers, and all I can say is, I’m humbled that you would take the time to read this blog. On the internet, words are seemingly endless, and our time is limited, so I’m honored that you’d use precious minutes reading what I have to say. I can only promise you that my intention is to bring sincerity and beauty to these pages. And as a happy coincidence, one of my good friends and favorite bloggers got Freshly Pressed at the same time! (It’s pretty rare to be FP, out of a good 400 000 blogs, only a handful are chosen, so it was doubly thrilling that it happened to both of us at the same time). Her blog is called http://towardbeginnersmind.wordpress.com and she writes amazingly well. Here she wrote about how the weather is changing irreversibly in her hometown, but does so in a very human, passionate and skilled way. It struck a chord with me because we are both from hot, dry places and the trend is that they will continue to get hotter and drier. Marrakesh certainly saw some record highs this summer (49C/ 122F). Will this reverse the tide of people who are making Marrakesh their home?
Speaking of making Marrakesh your home, I was bemused to see that this article http://www.bbc.com/travel/feature/20120723-living-in-marrakesh/2 about moving to Marrakesh had linked to my blog as an additional reference. Thank you, it’s nice to feel connected to others via my writing in this way. Some of the article is devoted to buying land in Marrakesh¸ which is not something we have done, so sorry, I won’t be offering any help with that. But I got a great idea for a BBC show: our family is given 100 000 pounds and tasked with buying land in Marrakesh…it’ll be quirky and human…will we buy land in the Ourika valley, the Palmeraie, the Medina? Will we buy land and build on it, or restore an old ryad? It will be so enlightening for viewers who have the same dilemma. Where is best to raise kids? What is land really worth in Marrakesh? Don’t tell me you wouldn’t enjoy watching that show!
6 thoughts on “Farewell Ramadan”
A really thoughtful and interesting post, Nora. I just finished reading “A Street in Marrakesh” which I saw on your sidebar. Really interesting. Thanks for the suggestion.
Do hope your weather has moderated a little.
Much love to you and your family.
Yes, I’m definitely like to see that show!
And thank you, dear Nora, for this sweet and insightful posting about Ramadan, heat, surrender. I just read in al-Ghazali’s book on the Prayer where he says that humble reverence and and concentration are both inner requirements and then goes on to say that this is not the case with almsgiving, fasting, or pilgrimmage. You can fast, he says, in a state of distraction, lacking concentration, because the fast in itself will accomplish the goal of separating the ego from its desires and its “power” — and that’s the process I think you’ve beautifully described. It’s a physical tearing away whether we’re concentrated in it or not. In the Prayer, however, unless we’re able to achieve or at least try to achieve some degree of concentration, humility, and realization of utter neediness before God, we’ve missed the point.
Much love and thanks and blessings
Shukran Bzzzef Khuti for your kind words about my writing. It means so very much to me coming from you. And thanks for the shout out! Guess I’d better get my tail in gear and write a new post eh? So much love to you and thank you for what you write. Your words make the world a better place to be.
Hi Nora, I have been reading your blog for about a year now, since returning from my first trip to Morocco. I fell in love with the place and i used to dream about living in Marrakech. Reading your blog fuelled these dreams and helped me make the decision to move to Marrakech. I have been here for just over 3 weeks and took part in the last two weeks of fasting for Ramadan for the first time, I have tried to explain my experience in my very first blog post, but it does not compare to your eloquent blog on the subject. Your writing is from the heart and your blog has taught me a lot about Moroccan culture. Thanks for inspiring me!!
How wonderful to read your words, and this when the last time we saw each other was so many years ago, and you only had Karima then, who must be a young teenager by now! I hope she remembers the Floating Lotus Puppets! Ah… “obfuscation!” You also do not obfuscate, and your clear and soulful writing is in the great tradition, of your father and lines of soulful writers going way back, dear Nora, way back! Much love also from Malika, and I look forward to more reports from the front! Alhamdulillah.
I am an American who lived in Meknes from 1990-93. I was a teacher and, with the help of my Moroccan women friends, an aspiring hadga. I found your blog randomly and have been enjoying it a great deal. In many ways my years in Morocco were the best of my life. I still use the darija words and phrases that became second nature to me back then. (Even my husband and kids, who came along much later, say “zween” and “yallah,” “mujud” and “alesh?” )
Ramadan was one of my favorite times of year, and I always fasted, just to experience what everyone else was going through. And also, because how else to enjoy chebakia most fully? These days, when my family breaks the Yom Kippur fast, it’s always with harira, msemmen, dates, hard boiled eggs with salt and cumin, and tea. Your blog brings back many memories for me and your lovely writing captures much of what I feel about Morocco. I’m looking forward to reading more!